


Quite Interesting - by theChaplinfangirl

by SissolxJeffC4ever



Category: Classical RPFs
Genre: Drama, Extremely Out Of Character, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Out of Character, you've been warned!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 18:34:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16539929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SissolxJeffC4ever/pseuds/SissolxJeffC4ever
Summary: What happens after the events in Complete and Utter Ignorance? Yes, The Three and some of our other favorite classical singers and musicians are joining in the story, with Fry and Carwardine being either guests or recurring characters! NOTE: Stefan Mickisch is a main character in this as well, so… yeah, it’s kind of a Complete and Utter Ignorance/Quite Interesting cross-over!





	1. Halloween Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hi and welcome back! This is what happens after Halloween, and yes, it’s now November and it’s time for us to say good-bye to Mark and Stephen. : ( 
> 
> A/N 2: Still, we’ll be having the Three as our guests, also with Stefan as a recurring character!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Welcome to the sequel to Complete and Utter Ignorance! Finally, the adventures with Stephen Fry and Mark Carwardine had come to a close — kinda upsetting, I know. But this time, I’m getting even crazier guests, so hold on to your hats and enjoy this first chapter! xx

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: OK, since the others(read: Mark Carwardine and Stephen Fry) are finally gone, we have to get on with our cleanup. 

[Now I have the Three Tenors, aka The Three, aka the Trio, aka the Fantastic Threesome, with me, along with Stefan Mickisch, whom you may know from my previous story.] 

The Three: AWWWW~ 

Stefan: Sorry, but since Stephen and the others are finally gone, we have to do the cleanup, and worse, we’ve to go to RADA for the swimming thing again. Thanks no thanks, Gracey. 

Me: Also, I think I’ve better news — we’re going with the Cobra Kai people. 

[The Three all jump up and karate-chop air.] 

Them: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WE LOOOOOOOVE COBRA KAI! 

Stefan(deadpan): And am I the sensible one here now? 

Me: No worries. We’ll be doing clean-up together and I’ll have to go see to the renovation later on. 

[*Short time skip. We’re now loading trash and whatnot outside.] 

Me(after picking up some 7-Up bottles): Didn’t know Mark still had 7-Up. Thought he finished everything during the World Cup time period. 

Stefan(smiling): No way, you’re underestimating him. 

Me: Right. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, time skip. We’re at RADA and we’re in the shop because The Three wants yoghurt.] 

[Plácido sees Greek yogurt.] 

Plácido: AAAAAHHHHH WE LOVE GREEK YOGHURT! 

[Stefan taps on him.] 

Stefan: So does Gracey. 

Me: Right, and I’m puzzled on where’re the Cobra guys. 

[Actors Martin Kove and Sean Kanan and Thomas Ian Griffith appear with a loud bang.] 

Martin, Sean, Thomas(throwing their arms in the air): HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S MARTIN AND SEAN AND THOMAS, OF COBRA KAI, AT YOUR SERVICE! 

Me(half-deaf now): Brilliant. 

José(whining): The thing is, I haven’t reviewed the Karate Kid movies in forever. 

Thomas(shouting): NO WORRIES, SIGNORE! WE’LL BE REMINDIN’ YA ALLLLLLLLLL ABOUT IT! 

Sean(jumping up and karate-chopping air): SURE WE WILL, WON’T WE, MARTIN, WON’T WE, WON’T WE, WON’T WE? 

Martin(deadpan): Oh of course. 

Sean(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOOO~ 

[We split up.] 

[Martin with Sean and Thomas, and I with the Three and Stefan.] 

Stefan(to me): Right, and guess what, Ralph Macchio is actually half-Greek half-Italian, how crazy’s that. 

Me: That was why he was a guest star when coming to going to Little Greece. Also, stop mentioning his heritage because. 

[*Time skip. We’re at the swim pool.] 

Sean, Thomas(shouting): WOOOOOO WE’RE GON’ SWIMMIN’! WE’RE GON’ SWIMMIN! 

Martin: Can you two PLEASE be quiet? 

Thomas: AWW 

[I accidentally either forgot my swim card or lost it, so I’ve to go to the shallow area. Stefan and Sean wants to join.] 

Me: Fine, let’s change and we’ll decide! 

[Thomas and Sean hug each other.] 

[We go change.] 

[*Short time skip. Now we’re swimming. Sean and Stefan are with me, and Martin and Thomas are together.] 

Me(announcing): Alright! Let’s swim. 

[Martin and Thomas dive into the water like dolphins.] 

[Sean smiles at them.] 

Sean: They’re too lucky. 

Me: You should go join them. 

Sean(pleading): NO WAY! PLEEEEASE LET ME STAY, GRACEY? 

Me(exasperated): Urgh, fine! 

[We swim in the impossibly shallow waters.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, just read the swim chapters in Complete and Utter Ignorance if you want to review.] 

[*Time skip. We’ve to get Chinese food again.] 

[The Three jump up and punch air when they hear that.] 

Them: WOOOOOOOOOO CHINESE FOOD! AWESOME, GRACEY, LOVE IT! 

Me(to no one in particular): Remind me to never take them there if possible! 

[We go to take Chinese.] 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, this is one random first chapter, so… yeah, stay tuned to the next one!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: And yes, this actually happened, and almost just as weird and random as this. I did either lost my swim card or forgot to bring it, so shallow waters it is for me at the pool!


	2. Movies and Outsiders(or, Childhood Revisited)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi and welcome back to Quite Interesting! Today, it’s movie day, so… yeah, and guess what else? Matt Dillon and Ralph Macchio, both of Outsiders popularity, are the guests! : D

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Auditorium 2.] 

[Actor Ralph Macchio is showing his former co-stars, C. Thomas Howell, and Matt Dillon, around the renovating auditorium.] 

C. Thomas: Now I kinda regret not taking the karate role. 

Matt: Righto, and you should. 

C. Thomas: Just watch. 

[Ralph is already onto the next plan, either ignoring them or not noticing their talking amongst themselves.] 

Ralph(explaining): … so this’ll be both an arena and a dojo. 

Matt(to Tommy): A WHAT? 

Tommy: A dojo, some fancy Japanese saying of… well… gym. 

[Door to the auditorium opens and I enter.] 

Me: Right, do I have everyone? 

Matt, Ralph, Tommy: ? 

Me: For some drive-in movie afternoon. 

Them: Yes. 

[PAUSE] 

Ralph(to me): Don’t tell me the Three are joining in. 

Me: They might. 

Ralph: Brilliant. 

Matt: Thought you adored the Three. 

Ralph: That’s just stereotyping. 

[I leave them.] 

[Back in my house.] 

Me: So we’ll be seeing the Outsiders today, and a Heist movie — still starring Kourtsloo as the lead, mind you! 

[The Three jump up and karate-chop air.] 

Them: WOO! WE LOVE THE HEIST! 

Luciano Pavarotti: Don’t tell me Kourtenay’ll also be here? 

Me: Not sure. But Daniel LaRusso and Smarty Tao will. Maybe, again. 

Plácido Domingo(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOO~ 

José Carreras: I KNOW RIGHT 

[*Since I’m lazy, let’s time skip to what the movie is about.] 

[We go to the movie theater.] 

José(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOOOOO MOVIES! MOVIES FTW. 

[First movie is Heist.] 

[Smarty Tao appear, along with Daniel LaRusso.] 

Daniel(wearing his typical karate outfit, complete with a bandana and all): Benvenuto to the movie! Primera: The Heist, secondo: Karate Kid. 

Smarty(throwing her arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOOO! 

[We watch the movie.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, time skip. We finished it and Ralph wants to go get milk tea.] 

Daniel: Some for me too, per favore. 

Smarty: Why don’t you go with them? 

Daniel: No way. 

Smarty: Whatevs. 

[Ralph and I go.] 

[Outside.] 

Me: Remind me to not give anything to the Three. 

Ralph: Thought you adored them? 

Me: Used to. Now… 

[I see Happy Lemon.] 

Me: Let’s go see how’s Happy Lemon. 

[Ralph jumps up and karate-chop air.] 

Ralph(shouting): WOOOOOOOOO~ 

[At Happy Lemon.] 

Me: I’ll be having taro balls in my milk tea, please : ) 

Ralph(smug): Why not Oreos? 

Me: You’re behaving like KayEUndercover. 

[*Time skip. Because I’m lazy, we’re watching Outsiders.] 

[Commentary starts immediately afterwards.] 

Matt: Did I really look like that? 

Tommy: Sure, and Ralph would pass for actually being a teenager. 

Ralph(upset): How can I help it I always look too young? 

[Daniel and Smarty ignores their bickering.] 

Smarty(exclaiming): Why Daniel, isn’t that you? *she nods towards Johnny Cade* 

Daniel: No way. 

[Matt jumps up and karate-chop air.] 

Matt: WOOOOOOOO I’M FINALLY NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS DANIEL LARUSSO AND JOHNHY CADE ARE THE SAME PERSON! HEY HOW’S THIS THEORY: JOHNNY DIDN’T DIE, BUT IT WAS A HOAX, HIS LATER INJURIES, THAT IS! AND AFTER HE IS PRESUMABLY DEAD, HE GETS DISCHARGED BECAUSE HE FINALLY WAS CURED AND RAN AWAY FROM HIS ABUSIVE PARENTS, TO LUCILLE LARUSSO! AND GUESS WHAT? PRESTO! HE BECAME DANIEL LARUSSO AND GOT MORE ENEMIES NAMED JOHNNY LAWRENCE AND COMPANY! HAH! 

Ralph(to no one in particular): If only that’s the truth. 

Daniel(incredulous): No way, that’s not true. Johnny Cade is from a different universe, and we’re NOT related! Thanks, Ralph, for making us into life, though. 

Smarty: Righto. 

[Tommy looks hard at the karate experts.] 

Tommy(also upset): It IS true! 

[PAUSE] 

Tommy; And that’s why I never wanted to be part of the Karate Kid universe, y’know? 

Smarty: AW 

Daniel(sarcastic): Grazie again, Signore Macchio. 

Ralph(also sarcastic): Prego. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, this is kinda it, so… yeah, stay tuned to the next episode!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened, only the movie was basically childish as heck.


	3. Birthday Celebrations of November(or, Party Times Out of Ignorance)(Special Edition)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Happy birthday, Ralph Macchio! It’s impossible that the actor is approaching 60, so here’s something for the occasion : ) 
> 
> A/N 2: Also, this is one of the chapters that the Three won’t appear, so enjoy all the crazy hijinks!

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[My study. Singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli is perfecting some birthday song he made up on the spot with me trying to concentrate on writing and ignoring his singing.] 

Me(finally on the end of my rope with his singing): CAN you shut up and let me write, I ask you? 

Andrea: AW WHYYYYYY~ 

Me: Because, the arena and dojo is almost done and I’m thinking about how to tell the karate guys. 

[If Andrea could see, his eyes would’ve been biggish and widish now.] 

Andrea(incredulous): Karate? 

[Violinists Maurizio Sciarretta and Daniel Hope appear with a bang.] 

Maurizio, Daniel(shouting): WOOOOOOOOO HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S MAURIZIO AND DANIEL AT YOUR SERVICE! OR, SENSEI-S SCIARRETTA AND HOPE, HAH! 

[I look up and smile at Daniel.] 

Me: Since the main character is named Daniel LaRusso… you should be the main character, D. 

Daniel(jumping up and karate-chopping air): YA-HOOOOOOOOOOOOO~ 

Maurizio(also shouting): WHADABOUT ME? I’M 100% ITALIAN AND I CAN’T BE HIM? 

Daniel: NO WAY YOU CANNOT! 

Maurizio: YES WAY I CAN! 

[I rub my temples because of a massive headache.] 

[The door barges open before I could make them disappear.] 

William Zabka(wearing his karate outfit and holding a cone): HEY EVERYONE! GUESS WHAT? RALPH IS HAVIN’ HIS B-DAY PARTAY OVER HERE SINCE THERE’S NO MORE PASTA SAUCE! OH NO BAD NEWS, FELLAS! 

[I check the calendar. Right, Nov 4.] 

Me(to only myself): Awesome. 

[Andrea’s ears perk up. Drat his enhanced senses.] 

Andrea(transforming his own outfit into a karate one): I KNOW RIGHT! CAN’T WAIT! WOOOOOOO B-DAY PARTAY-S AGAIN! 

[I ignore him.] 

Me(to William): Now, where’re the others? 

William(grinning): Trying to see how Martin and Thomas fight. Pretend fight, that is, not actual fighting. 

[I hold my head.] 

Me: And don’t tell me Ralph is the referee. 

William(beaming): SURE HE IS! GRACEY, PLEEEEASE JOIN IN? ‘CAUSE I THINK WE NEED YOUR APPROVAL. 

Me(sternly): No one in their right mind will think I’ll give approval to that. 

[William ignores me and still drags me to the theater.] 

[At my theater.] 

[Actors Stephen Fry and Alan Davies are watching, and being the two sides. Stephen’s on Martin Kove’s side, and Alan’s at Thomas Ian Griffith’s side. Actor Ralph Macchio is being the referee, and about to die laughing.] 

William(with a flourish): TA-DAAAAA~ 

Me: 0_o 

[On the stage.] 

Martin(shouting): OH I’M SO CREAMIN’ YOU, THOMAS, JUST YOU WAIT! 

Thomas(also shouting with mirth): OH DON’T BE SO SURE! 

Ralph(announcing): Annnnnnd… fight! 

Everyone else(chanting): Fight, fight, fight! Fight, fight, fight! 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

Me: Honestly? 

William(beaming and shouting): OF COURSE! WE’RE ALL GUESTS HERE TODAY, SO… YEAH, JUST ENJOY YOUR TIME! 

[*OK, time skip. Since I’m lazy, let’s just skip to the time for lunch.] 

Me(to everyone): Even though we might not go to Little Italy or Little Greece — 

[Stephen interrupts me.] 

Stephen(shouting): WHY NOT? WE HAVE TO, GRACEY, YOU REMEMBER WE WENT THERE DURING COMPLETE AND UTTER IGNORANCE? THAT WAS AWESOME, EVEN OSCAR WILDE’LL AGREE! 

Martin: … 

Thomas(also shouting): YOU’VE BEEN TO LITTLE GREECE?! 

Martin(exasperated): Can you PUH-LEASE use your indoor voice, Thomas? 

[Thomas jumps up and karate-chop air.] 

Thomas: WOOOOOOOOOOO! GRACEY, WE SHOULD GO THERE! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE? 

Ralph(also shouting): WHY NOT HERE? 

[I make everyone shut up.] 

Me: I’ve actually found a new Italian place named Tavola. 

Martin: ? 

Thomas: ? 

William: ? 

[PAUSE] 

Ralph(mock-whining): Why not Miiiioooo? 

Alan(jumping up and punching air): LOVE MIO! 

[I ignore the latter because I’m suffering from a severe headache from everyone’s shouting.] 

Me: I guess we’d have to try it some time. 

[Ralph hugs me in that pushy Italian way.] 

Me(after untangling myself): OK, how ‘bout we have some other kind of noodle? 

Ralph: AW 

Everyone else: ???????? 

Me(speechless at everyone’s cluelessness): Fine, we might go to Little Italy. 

[Both Ralph and Alan jump up and karate-chop air.] 

Alan, Ralph(cheering): WOOOOOOOO WE’RE GON’ TO LITTLE ITALY! WE’RE GON’ TO LITTLE ITALY! 

[*Since I’m lazy, a time skip. We’re at Little Italy, and it’s raining, as usual, in Britain.] 

[Ralph, Maurizio, and Andrea are there exclaiming their dishes in rapid-fire Italian that I cannot understand one word.] 

Stephen(happily): Why, never expected to be with you so soon again, Gracey, and we haven’t left for long! 

Mark(swinging his arm around me): YOOOOOOOOOOOOO, GRACEY! MISSED US? 

Me(sarcastically): Oh, so much, so much I couldn’t sleep at night. 

[The cobras just about died laughing.] 

William(to me): You should most definitely join us. 

Martin: Right, at least she’s more sensible than you or Ralph. 

[Aside.] 

Thomas(to Sean): We’re not involved : ) 

[Cut back to: Martin and William bickering.] 

Me: No way, I’ve to go to Bayreuth soon and god knows when do I get back. 

Mark(optimistically): You’ll be back before you know it. 

Me: No way am not. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, we’ll time skip to when Stephen had to fetch something from The Mall.] 

o-o-o 

[At The Mall.] 

[Dunhill London.] 

William(looking around): Holy pizzas with parmesan on top! *he beams at everyone* THIS PLACE IS LUXURIOUS! 

Ralph(sipping on some frappuccino, because it’s already afternoon, and no, Italians only sip on cappuccinos in the morning, grazie for your understanding): Ever been to Hyatt? 

William(smirking): Sure have. 

Me(to them): OK, just be quiet, look around, and no more funny business. 

[William looks at me with his eyes biggish and widish.] 

William(exclaiming): OF COURSE NOT! WE’RE NOT THE THREE! 

Ralph(sarcastically): Sure, we’re more like The Five. 

William(snappishly): This is the last time you’re getting coffee, signore. 

[I ignore them.] 

[FLASHBACK because you’ve to know what happened prior to this.] 

[Starbucks.] 

[Stephen and Mark jump up and karate-chop air.] 

Stephen, Mark(shouting): WOOOOOO WE LOVE STARBUCKS, GRACEY! CAN WE HAVE CINNABON ROLLS AND CHOCOLATE CAKE AND COFFEE? OR CAN WE HAVE PRETZELS AND DOUGHNUTS AND MALTED MILK-BALLS? OOOOOH YEAH, AND PEANUT BUTTER CUPS AND GUMMY BEARS! 

Ralph(smugly to them): Sorry, but she promised me to get me a caramel frappuccino and herself a hot chocolate, mint flavored. 

[Mark cries his eyes out.] 

Mark(devastated): Italians are evil. 

Stephen(to me): You should be writing this down, Gracey. 

Me: No way, we’re just having some hot chocolate and that’s all. 

[It’s Ralph’s turn to get distraught.] 

Ralph: WHAAAAAAAAAAT? 

[William and the others are about to roll on the floor laughing their heads off.] 

[We get frappuccinos and hot chocolate, normal flavored, not mint.] 

[FLASHBACK to present.] 

Stephen(showing off his new over-the-shoulder briefcase): TA-DAAAAAAAAA~ 

[Ralph rolls his eyes at me.] 

Me(not even listening): Impressive. 

Stephen(beaming): I KNOW RIGHT 

[*Since I’m lazy, a time skip again. We’re trying to hunt for pastries because Thomas, William, Ralph, and Mark are craving for those things.] 

[Martin and I are walking together.] 

Martin(shouting at his companions): CAN YOU GUYS PUH-LEASE BE MORE SENSIBLE, HUH?

Sean(quietly): Yes, ‘cause you’re shouting in our ears. 

[We go to Kerry Center.] 

[At Kerry Center.] 

[Stephen spys the pastry shop I took Zakahr Bron, Maurizio Sciarretta, and Jascha Heifetz to in Complete and Utter Ignorance.] 

Stephen(shouting): AAAH, GRACEY! CAN WE PLEEEEEEEASE HAVE ONE OF THOSE? TAKE-AWAY, AT LEAST? 

[Everyone stops walking and rushes over.] 

Me: No way. 

[I go over.] 

Me: Maybe… take-away? 

Ralph: I’m so taking the chocolate mousse cake! 

William(punching air): RED VELVET FOR ME! 

Sean: MATCHA TEA FOR ME! 

Thomas(to Martin): Since no one’s choosing cupcakes… CUPCAKES FOR ME, PUH-LEASE, GRACEY? 

[PAUSE] 

Martin(to his crew): Aren’t we having cupcakes tonight for the party? 

[Mark jumps up and karate-chop air.] 

Mark(stunned): HEY, NO ONE MENTIONED A PARTAY! WE’RE PARTYIN’ TONIGHT, PEOPLE, SO GET EXCITED! 

Me(holding my head because of a headache): Right, I just about forgot. 

Ralph: WHAAAAAAAAT? 

Mark(shouting): SO WHAT’S DINNER THEN, GRACEY? IS IT PASTA AND LOADS OF ITALIAN CUISINE, OR IS IT PIZZAS AND PLENTY OF LASAGNA THAT’D RIVAL VIA ROMA? 

[I’m finally at the end of my rope with Mark.] 

Me(roaring): NOTHING! 

[Everyone quiets down.] 

[Cut to: Martin, Sean, and Thomas.] 

Them(waving good-naturedly to pretend audience): We’re not involved : ) 

[Cut back to: Mark and me.] 

Me: I think we’re just having cake and stuff, that’s all. Randomness, as usual. 

[Mark flings his arms around Ralph and cries his eyes out again.] 

Mark: Noooooo… 

[*Time skip. We’re at The Place. The Place Square, under the screen.] 

Thomas(jumping up and karate-chopping air): THIS PLACE IS AWESOME! 

Sean: Sorry to break it to you but it’s called ‘Place’, without any other name. 

[I ask Martin to look after them because Stephen and Mark spotted an outdoors advertisement, with a sunscreen walking around and looking hella adorable.] 

Mark(shouting): STEPHEN, HEY STEPHEN, GUESS WHAT? LOOK AT THAT, M’FRIEND! *he points to the sunscreen* 

Me: Ah, yes, an advertisement. Also, sure, the sunscreen is cute. 

Mark: NO, IT’S NOT ‘CUTE’, IT’S ‘HELLA ADORABLE’! 

[Stephen also spys the sunscreen.] 

Stephen(to me): PLEASE CAN WE GO HUG IT? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE? 

Me(sternly): Unless you and Mark behave! 

Mark: We do! *to Stephen* Yeah, Stephen, behave, will ya? 

Stephen(upset): NO YOU BEHAVE! 

[Meanwhile with Martin and company.] 

Ralph(to everyone): I say we buy some candles for Winter-holiday, d’accordo? 

Everyone else: Sì/NO WAY, WE GET CHRISTMAS TREES, SIGNORE, AND CANDY, AND PRESENTS, AND… AND… AND…!/Why not?/Brilliant, but where’ll we get it? 

Ralph(pointing up): Over at Ella Home. 

[Finally, Martin is also at the end of his rope with his group.] 

Martin(hollering): NO ONE MOVE AN INCH WHEN I GO ASK GRACEY, OTHERWISE, YOU’RE ELIMINATED FROM THE COBRAS, GET ME? 

Everyone else: Yes. : ( 

[Back at my group.] 

Me: Can we please see something else? Sunscreens are boring. 

Mark(whining): Noooooo, sunscreens are adorable! 

[Martin walks up to me.] 

Martin: OK, you stay here, and I’ll go lead them to buy some candles, deal? 

Me: Brilliant, I’ll have to go to ParkView soon. 

[*Time skip. We’re at ParkView. Ralph is upset at his group on buying candles.] 

Me: Aw, let’s go next time, alright? 

[Sean jumps up and karate-chop air.] 

Sean: YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH~ 

William(upset): WHADABOUT MY CHRISTMAS TREES? 

Me: Chill, I think I’ll be providing those. 

[We pass by Scent Boutique.] 

Martin(delighted): OH, Scent Boutique! Gracey, can we stay here? 

Me(to myself): Brilliant, I’m now the only one sensible. 

Martin(pleading): PLEEEEEEEAAASE? 

Me: Fine, but don’t y’all run off. 

[Ralph jumps up and karate-chop air.] 

Ralph(shouting): OF COURSE NOT! YOU CAN TRUST US, GRACEY, AND CIAO! 

[I leave them.] 

[After I leave.] 

[Martin and Stephen are splitting up into crack-duos. Martin and Stephen are together, William and Sean are together, and Thomas and Ralph are together, a la Karate Kid PRT 3.] 

[Martin and Stephen.] 

Martin(shouting to William): WILLIAM, GUESS WHAT, I FOUND CRANEBERRIES AND ROSES! THIS ONE SMELLS LIKE MELTED CANDY AND IS APPROVED BY BOTH STEPHEN AND ME! 

Stephen(smelling another one): This one looks like a bath bomb. 

Martin: No way, it’s wax, Mr. QI-Expert. 

[From Sean and William’s place, the former looks up from the candles.] 

Sean(shouting across the boutique): HEY, MARTIN, I THOUGHT THAT WAS WHAT ALAN DAVIES CALLED HIM ON QI? 

Martin(grinning and shouting back): NO, ALAN CALLED HIM SOMETHING ELSE I COULDN’T QUITE REMEMBER ‘CAUSE I’VE TO REVIEW QI RECENTLY! 

[Sean finally looks down and smells the next candle.] 

Sean(reading the label): Birthday Cake. Hm. 

[William’s ears perk up.] 

William(hollering across the boutique to Thomas and Ralph): HEEY RALPHIE, GUESS WHAT? THERE’S A CANDLE THAT’S CALLED BIRTHDAY CAKE AND I’M PRETTY SURE IT’S MADE ‘CAUSE IT’S YOUR B-DAY TODAY, AND NOW SEAN AND I ARE DELIGHTED BEYOND BELIEF! 

[Martin looks up from his side of the boutique.] 

Martin(authoritatively): QUIET VOICES, PLEASE. 

[William looks back down.] 

[Thomas and Ralph’s corner.] 

[They’re looking at soaps.] 

Thomas(reading the label): Sea Foam. This one’s nice. 

Ralph(wistfully): Imagine being at the seashore in Napoli. 

[Thomas smiles at that.] 

Thomas(shouting across the boutique as well): HEY EVERYONE, GUESS WHAT? COME LOOK AT ALL THE SOAPS — ONE OF THEM IS CALLED SEA FOAM AND IT’S HELLA AMAZIN’! 

Martin(also shouting across the boutique): WHAT IS ‘HELLA AMAZIN’’ IS THAT YOU USE YOUR IN-DOOR VOICE, THOMAS, PUH-LEASE, FOR JUDAH’S SAKE! 

[Thomas and Ralph ignores him.] 

Ralph(reading the label on a candle): Summer Pear. Nice. 

Thomas(reminiscing): Kinda reminds me of the pear juice over at RADA when Martin and I went swimming. 

[Ralph puts it back on the shelf and smiles at that.] 

[Thomas fetches another one.] 

Thomas(reading the label): Pink Champagne? Smells like grape juice. 

[William and Sean, who’re close to them, cracks up — the former does, that is.] 

Thomas, Ralph: ? 

William: You do remember what Pat said, don’t ya? 

Thomas: Don’t remind me. 

Ralph(exasperated): That’s way too old. 

[And that’s what I come back to.] 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’ll just describe what happens when we get back to my house.] 

o-o-o 

[Back in my house.] 

Me(flinging my arms out): Ah, home sweet home. 

[Stephen jumps up and karate-chop air.] 

Stephen(shouting): WOOOOOO NORWICH! 

Mark(blowing on a noise-maker he conjured up): PARTAY TIIIIIIIIIIMMEEE~ 

[Birthday deco appear everywhere before I could control everyone.] 

Me(to myself, as everyone, including me, gets funny birthday hats on my head): Brilliant, just brilliant. 

Mark(still shouting): AND GUESS WHAT ELSE? THE CAKES ARE CUPCAKES, SO… YEAH! 

Me: Based on some fan fiction on the Outsiders? 

Stephen(hugs himself very self-satisfied, as usual): RIGH-TO! 

[I sigh in exasperation, with everyone else overwhelmed.]

[PAUSE] 

[Singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli and composer David Foster appear with a loud explosion that makes me half-deaf.] 

Andrea, David(in party hats and party outfits): WOOOOOOOOOO HEEEEEEEEEERES’ DAVID FOSTER AND ANDREA BOCELLI WISHIN’ YA A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HOPE YOU’LL LIKE IT. 

Ralph, Me: 0_o 

[The door gets knocked on and I go open it.] 

[Delivery-woman and man, actor Pat Morita and singer Maria Callas, are delivering the pastries.] 

Pat, Maria(over-enthusiastic): HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S SOME CUPCAKES FOR YER PARTAY! ENJOYYYY~ 

[I thank them, and make a mental note on taking some aspirins because of my massive migraine from the craziness.] 

[I bring the pastries in.] 

[William’s eyes go biggish and widish at the scene and he hugs Thomas.] 

William, Thomas(throwing their arms in the air): HURRAY! HURRAY! HURRAY FOR CUPCAKES! OHMYGOD, I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH, GRACEY, WE’RE HAVIN’ CUPCAKES FOR DINNER, AREN’T WE? 

Me(resigned): Kind of, also, we’re having fruits and stuff. 

[They ignore me.] 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, this is all! So… yeah, a very random birthday chapter in Quite Interesting as well.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: This actually happened, only no, we didn’t have cupcakes for dinner xD. Still, a very happy belated birthday to Ralph Macchio! : D Stay gold!


	4. Swimming PRT 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry, another swim episode — this one is just weird, so… yeah, bear with me, and it’s short and random, just so you know.

[Evening. My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

Me: OK, since I’m about to leave for Bayreuth, around December-ish, I’ll be inviting y’all to some swim time again. 

[Plácido Domingo jumps up and karate-chop air.] 

Plácido: WOOOOOOOO! SWIMMIN’ AGAIN! HEY, GRACEY, WILL WE BE SCUBA DIVIN’ OR WILL WE BE DOIN’ SOME CGI LAST CHANCE TO SEE, WITH ME BIN MARK CARWARDINE AND JOSÉ BIN STEPHEN FRY, AND LUCIANO BIN THE CAMERA-MAN? 

Luciano Pavarotti: I think you’re exaggerating on the photography part of me. 

Plácido(not even listening): I KNOW RIGHT 

José: I think he’s sarcastic, mister. 

Me: No, we’re swimming, and Plácido and José, you two have to — 

[Luciano interrupts me.] 

Luciano(smugly, Stephen Fry style): Get your swim cards, so should Gracey, since she lost hers as well. So enjoy, trio. 

Me: Thank you, mister. 

[Luciano smiles at me.] 

Luciano: You’re welcome! 

Me: … 

[OK, time skip. Because I’m lazy, this is what happened when we’re about to swim.] 

[At RADA.] 

[Canteen, us sipping on yogurts.] 

Me: Y’all care for noodles? 

José: Definitely. 

[Luciano grins at me.] 

Luciano: Here’s a noodle poem — 

[I interrupt before he could recite it.] 

Me: No need to recite it — Stephen helped you already in Complete and Utter Ignorance. 

[We get noodles.] 

[While we’re eating.] 

Luciano: Why don’t you go to Milan? Andrea has a headquarter. 

Me: NO way. 

Luciano(upset): Whyyyyy~ 

Me: I don’t want any… well… scream-singing when I’m there. Also, I’ve been to Italy, and it wasn’t what I thought. 

Plácido(to Luciano): You guys are too over-enthusiastic. 

[Luciano jumps up and karate-chop air.] 

Luciano(shouting): ALSO! THAT REMINDS ME — WE’VE AN EXHIBITION TOMORROW, AND WE’LL BE SEEING SOME AWESOME ITALIAN ROYAL OBJECTS ALONG WITH MAURIZIO SCIARRETTA AND SOME OF OUR OTHER ITALIAN BEST FRIENDS! HOW AWESOME IS THAT, I ASK YOU? 

Me(holding my head because of a massive headache): Right, can’t wait. 

José(also jumping up): SO WHAT’RE Y’ALL WAITIN’ FOR? *he stuffs some more macaronis in his mouth* EAT, EAT, EAT! WE’VE TO GO TO THE GYM AND SWIM, THEN GO TO THE MUSEUM! 

[Plácido looks up and I swear, he’s getting a headache as well.] 

Plácido(exasperated): Should I remind you two that the exhibition is tomorrow? 

José: AAAAAWWWWWWW~ 

[Luciano slumps on me.] 

[*Time skip again. We’re at the swim place.] 

[Luciano and José are over-enthusiastic — I swear eating macaronis aren’t good for their minds.] 

Luciano(jumping up and karate-chopping air): THIS PLACE IS AWESOME, GRACEY! WE SHOULD COME HERE MORE OFTEN AND YEAH, LET’S GO SWIM! WE’LL BE PLAYIN’ WATER POLO AND SCUBA DIVIN’ AND PRETENDING TO BE MARK CARWARDINE, STEPHEN FRY, AND DOUGLAS ADAMS, ‘CAUSE THEY SHOULD’VE COLLABORATED TOGETHER! BUT UNFORTUNATELY, NOPE! SO WE’LL BE REENACTING THAT SCENE AND IT’LL BE LOADS AND LOADS AND LOADS OF FUN. JUST YOU WAIT! 

José(also shouting): AND GUESS WHAT EEEEELSE? WE ACTUALLY INVITED THE ACTUAL MARK AND STEPHEN AND ANDREA AND DOUGLAS FOR THIS. ALSO, DON’T FORGET JAMES LEVINE AND STEFAN MICKISCH, ‘CAUSE I LOVE STEFAN AND JAMES’S BROMANCE! 

[I hold my head because of a massive migraine before we even started.] 

Me: No, none of those guys are coming, except for Stefan. 

Plácido(shouting above them): I SWEAR, LUCIANO AND JOSÉ, YOU TWO ARE SO OUT OF THE THREE IF THIS BEHAVIOR CONTINUES, AND YES, I’M DEAD SERIOUS! 

[Stefan Mickisch appears in swim coach gear.] 

Stefan(with a flourish): HEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S COACH STEFAN MICKISCH AT YOUR SERVICE! FIRST, Y’ALL’RE TESTIN’ WITH ME ON YOUR PADDLING, THEN YOU’RE TESTIN’ WITH ZAKHAR ON YOUR SWIMMIN’! 

[He shoos us into our respective changing rooms.] 

[After we change and go to the pool.] 

[Luciano, Plácido, José, and I get into the deep water region.] 

Stefan(holding up a cone): ON YOUR MARK! GET SET! START PADDLIN’! *he blows on his whistle very shrill* 

[The Three and I all sigh resignedly and start paddling as good as we can.] 

[*Short time skip. We have to take the swimming test, which is easy peasy lemon squeezy for me.] 

Zakhar Bron(also dressed in swim coach gear and holding up a cone as well): HOWDY, GRACEY AND COMPANY? MY NAME IS COACH ZAKHAR BRON AND TODAY, WE’RE DOIN’ SWIMMIN’ TEST! WOO-HOO! NOW… *he takes the whistle between his teeth* ON YOUR MARK… GET SHET… SHTART! *he also blows the whistle very shrill* 

[We start swimming our two laps.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is kind of it. So if you want to read more, just re-read the swim episodes of Complete and Utter Ignorance.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened, but the test wasn’t as nuts. Still… yeah, I have a new swim card, and I’m vowing to never lose it!


End file.
